Sadly, we cannot logically protect them from life as easily as we can the Boogey Man. But, of course, we always try. That’s what makes us good parents.
Mommies & Daddies make up all kinds of magic spells to rid the bottom of the beds from every scary monster conjured up by young minds.
No matter what was the cause, the worst thing I ever saw were tears coming from the eyes of my daughters. It broke my heart all over again to know that I was the reason each of them cried.
So much for picket fences. It didn’t keep another guy from thinking my grass was greener than his. I should’ve put up a picket WALL.
My youngest girl, 22, gave birth in mid-January to her first child and my first grandchild. Several weeks ago she asked me via text if she could have the pictures in order to make copies of them. When she was done, she would return them. She wanted a quick and positive reply and I was only half accommodating with the request.
Did I say these pix are guarded like gold at Ft. Knox?
Well, good news travels fast apparently. My middle daughter, 24, is expecting her first baby in November of this year. So she texts me about the pix, wanting to pick the up to have them scanned then she will return them to me. There’s a bunch of pix in that bin so with my impending move out of the city there was no way to determine when I would get them back–if ever.
Ft. Knox, remember?!
My decision to keep them close to me is very unpopular. Yes, it is selfish. Based on how my daughters have treated me the last few years maybe this is apropos. I don’t know. I just know it feels bad because they are hurt they cannot have these pieces of their early childhood. They are very close to their mom and stepdad. It bothers me that they pass my house in order to go spend time with them with not as much as a “hello” to me or my significant other. They have the “todays and tomorrows” of my daughters while all I have is their yesterdays.
That’s what these pictures represent to me. It reminds me when my babies looked at me as the most important man in their little lives. It was when they truly and purely loved me.
Now do you understand why I guard them as I do?
The only time we will actually see them is Christmas Day or Eve, depending on schedules, save for an occasional dinner within the year.
I don’t like this part of my life right now. To top things off, my oldest girl, 26, recently sent me a barrage of scathing texts telling me, in their collective views, I am not to contact them ever again & they are fine with me not being in their lives. She even wrote that it took her a long time to realize it but she “has an amazing dad who loves her very much” and it isn’t me. She would badmouth this guy when she would come visit me to pick up her check.
This comes from a daughter I’ve helped with a monthly check for a few years to help her with bills and such. Friends would tell me she’s just using me. I ignored their words. She’s my baby girl and I was going to do all possible to help her.
Did I mention all this was done on Father’s Day?
And I still love and miss my babies.
Adrian (AJ) Garcia Quick Facts
Best Sellers: None–yet! But I’m working on it!
Career Focus: Education; Teacher
Affiliation: Greater Houston ISDs
Everyone endures this personal emotional rollercoaster with no apparent end in sight. There were so many questions but absolutely no answers in how to get on with the rest of one’s life after divorce especially when it’s adversarial. Self-reliance was, and is, the best advice I ever focused on that enabled me to begin to realize there is more to life. So ease on down the road and start living your life!
Look at it like this: Happy endings reside at Turner Classic Movies! NOT!
They reside in 3 places – your Heart, Mind & Soul!
Never forget that, together, they are your personal Holy Trinity. And thank goodness for them all!!!
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Imagine a busy street. Loads of cars, people… And suddenly a woman falls on the floor and sprawls. Will you help her? You would probably say ‘yes’ but according to research you wouldn’t help. How so?
This phenomenon, called “The Bystander Effect”, became an object of psychologists’ interest particularly after 1964 when a woman was murdered in front of many witnesses none of whom intervened. Kitty Genovese was attacked at night in front of her house. She screamed and struggled for over a half an hour. Later, 38 neighbors admitted to having heard her crying for help. Yet no one called the police and the young woman died.
Was it haphazard? Subsequently performed experiments showed that it wasn’t and revealed why. Help in such situations depends on two factors: whether we qualify the situation as an emergency and whether we are alone or there are some other people too.
Some situations may seem ambiguous. Is that person lying on the path drunk or ill? Are those people milling about a car thieves or just harmless individuals? It’s easier to do nothing so most people hesitate and observe if others are going to get in the situation. And if everyone hesitates and just observes the other (passive) bystanders, there’s no action, no help.
Another factor is diffusion of responsibility. We just think that someone else will definitely help. How many of Kitty’s neighbors might have stood calmly out of belief that someone else called the police?
But to be positive at the end: Willingness to help increases rapidly if a person needing help is alone. Further, in a group of people just one active person is enough to set an example and others then join in. And finally – people who have become familiar with the above mentioned facts, thus you, too, are much more likely to help or intervene in the future.
There are a few things that you should say to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend after the break up to ensure that they still hold you in high esteem. There are also things that you should not be saying to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend if you want them to talk to you again. It is a fine line to walk and you need to think before you speak – something that isn’t that easy when your emotions are running high and you want to act on them. Before you let your tongue run away with you, lets look at what you should and shouldn’t be saying to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend and how to know if you are ready for renewed communication.
Should I Or Shouldn’t I?
Obviously every situation is different. Maybe your relationship demise was a slow burner and both of you reached an amicable decision to end things. This would mean that you are probably still friends and that you make the effort to keep in touch. Emotions will not be as highly charged in this type of break up situation. You will find it a lot easier to talk to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend and conversation should flow quiet easily. This obviously isn’t a typical break up scenario, transitioning to friends who have a good old natter just isn’t feasible or possible for many couples.
On the other hand, if you and your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend broke up suddenly and there was a lot of pain and anger involved, talking to them will be an extremely difficult process. Maybe your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend broke up with you and it came as a shock. Anything that you say in the aftermath of this type of break up will ultimately backfire on you because you are speaking from a position of hurt. You really need to take a deep breath and calm down if this is the case, especially if you want to get your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend back later on. Saying things to get back at your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend or pleading on them to give it another chance will only paint you as a desperado – no one wants that.
Talking to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend is something that you should not put yourself through if you just aren’t ready for it. This could only end up destroying your recovery process because you might hear things that will upset you even more. Make the best decision for you personally. If you are not ready to talk to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend then don’t put yourself through the trauma of it. You both could end up saying things that you will later regret. When the dust has settled and you are able to think rationally, talking to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will not be such a big ordeal.
When You Have Decided To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend – How To Approach It
Okay, so you have decided that you want to talk to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend again, so where do you start? Ringing them up out of the blue and expecting to have a heart to heart is unrealistic at this point. Remember that you have not spoken for a while, so any attempt at communication will be viewed suspiciously by your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend. They will want to know what you are up to and immediately think that you want to get back together or that you are spying on them. This is obviously not the impression that you want to create even if you do want your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend back.
A short text or Facebook message is the best way to go if you haven’t been speaking to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend. It does not pile the pressure on you or your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend and you have time to formulate and think about what you want to say. It also means that you do not have to worry about those awkward silences that phone calls stir up. It is also much less invasive than a direct phone call. Something short and sweet that does not demand a reply is best. Never betray how you are feeling or that you haven’t moved on. Come across as cheerful and cool about the whole break up. This way your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will open up to you more and be more receptive to talking to you again.
Slow And Steady Wins The Race
You should never expect a full blown conversation right from the offing. This will take time and you must be patient to see results. You will never win your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend back by jumping in head first and proclaiming your undying love for your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend. Whilst this is all very romantic in Hollywood, it rarely has the desired affect in real life. It is best to approach this having an end goal in mind and realising that you will have to stick at it.
Running your mouth off at the first opportunity is also a bad idea. Remember that you will want to create an air of mystery about you and appear interesting to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend again. Saying too much at this stage will only make you look kind of desperate and eager to impress. Always hold something back. You might have loads to catch up on with your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend and you are probably itching to know what they have been up to since the break up, but this should never be obvious to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend. You cannot crowd them and expect them to divulge everything to you – talking to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend after your break up will be awkward at first so be prepared for this.
What To Say To Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend
What you say to your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will either win them back or push them away forever. This is why you must choose your words carefully. Keep in mind that you need to be upbeat and approachable. Never ever talk about the break up or go over old issues that were a bone of contention between you. This will only make your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend think that you haven’t moved on and that you can’t let the past go. Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will want to avoid any contact with you at all if you continue to lament the demise of your relationship.
It is advisable to stick to everyday topics to begin with. Mentioning that you are happy to hear from them again is fine – you don’t want to come across as angry and bitter or like you are just not interested in them anymore. If something interesting has happened in your life you can throw that into the conversation. Only mention it in passing though – don’t blow your own trumpet or it will seem like you are trying too hard to impress. By the same token you should ask your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend how things are with them and if they have been up to anything exciting. Taking an interest in their life will show them that you still care.
Cracking a few jokes or being witty from time to time is also beneficial here. It is a little flirtatious and that is okay, you can lay the groundwork for reigniting the spark and making your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend remember what you once had. Don’t go over the top though, it has to be natural!
Although you may be tempted to talk for hours and hours with your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend, you will have to restrain yourself. Remember that you want to leave your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend wanting more. Cutting the conversation short is a good idea after a few minutes. Say that it was good to hear from them but that you have to run now. Suggest that they contact you next week or vice versa. This will make your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend wonder what you are up to and create some mystery.
Your Next Steps
Getting to the point of contacting your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend also need some work on your part. If you get the period of no contact right then your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will be much more receptive to talking to you again and they may well even initiate conversation.
Apart from this you will also need to understand how your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend currently feels about you. Look out for signs Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend still loves you. This will help you to grasp if you have a chance of winning them back in the future. Making your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend miss you is also a crucial part of speeding up the reconciliation process. If you can use these make Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend miss you techniques properly then your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend will be the one chasing you.
I need advice on how I can get my ex boyfriend back again; I’m going to use a bit of an analogy here so please bear with me as I paint the picture. Winning is like figuring in a competition. You can’t win something you didn’t fight or work so hard for, right? So if you want to win your ex-boyfriend back (read: heart, mind and soul), you have to dedicate your full and concerted effort to the task. And there are a lot of things that you have to do if you’re absolutely sure you want him back again. And each of them will require a full commitment from you. You can use Psychological Tricks and Expert Tips to get your ex boyfriend back – links to my blog on what to do to get effective expert relationship strategies to reconcile with your ex is at the last paragraph of this article.
How to make an ex boyfriend come back to me; Start to win your ex back by putting yourself together. I mean, you’ve got to have your head in gear and get your emotions in check in order to pull this off properly and successfully. It won’t do you well if you come up to him all messed-up and in shambles. You have to show him that you’re a great woman in your own right and not a loser without him. Although you may be tempted, do not call, message, or contact him until you’re ready to make a move. Remember that you have to look every inch beautiful and composed when you finally have the chance to meet up with him again so invest some time and energy on yourself and getting your house in order.
How do I get my ex boyfriend back to me again – So no matter what happens, you have to be a woman of self-worth, substance and dignity. Love and respect yourself in the same way that you love your ex-boyfriends. If you do that, then the right man for you would eventually come along. You don’t have to focus all your life in pursuing your ex-boyfriend if he thinks or believes that the old relationship is over and done with. You can do everything within your power and grasp in an effort to show you know how to win him back. But if the odds simply turn against you, know when to stop, withdraw with no malice, retain your dignity and carry on with your life regardless. You can visit my blogs for more effective expert relationship strategies to reconcile with your ex when you visit these links below at the Authors Bio section.
The last thing that you want to be doing is to rile your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend, reinforce their decision to break up with you, make yourself look like a crazy psychopath and destroy anything that you have with your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend. These techniques work because your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend will NOT be expecting them, they also work because they are based on psychological principles that push your ex’s emotional hot buttons and make them react in a positive way.
When you don’t give your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend any of these things you are dramatically taking the power back and putting it in your own hands. You see, your ex’s ego will secretly want you to do these foolish things because it makes them feel good about themselves, makes them think that you still have feelings for them and that they have a certain amount of control over you and can affect your emotions.
When you don’t show any emotion or act in an expected way, your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend will suddenly sit up and take notice of you and be confused. This will be a huge knock to their ego and make them think that you didn’t really care about them at all. This is one of the most effective ways to get back at your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend because it challenges their views of the relationship that you had and makes them feel vulnerable. The best thing about this technique is that you haven’t done anything at all except for exerting a little self control.
Even if you think that your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend doesn’t care about you or has no feelings left, seeing their Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend with someone else will be a huge shock and make them second guess the break up and how they treated you. They don’t want to see anyone else moving in on their territory, no matter how the relationship ended. This will also be a big knock to their ego and ignite feelings of jealousy. They will feel utterly helpless and start displaying signs that they are not happy with it. Watch out for these signs from your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend and you will know that it is working.
Your Next Steps
These are only two techniques to get back at your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend. They may be unconventional, but they are proven to work. Do not let your anger or emotions run away with you as you will only end up feeling even worse about your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend and the break up.
There are other things that you can be doing to get back at your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend and this is to make them pine for you. When you make your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend miss you it will give you the upper hand and you will see a change in the way that your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend treats you and they will soon be showing signs of regret. There are also techniques to make your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend want you and these are also very powerful.
If you still love your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend, don’t give up. You can download a free PDF eBook that will give you Expert Professional strategies on how to get your Ex boyfriend or Ex girlfriend back in love with you when you visit my blog links usually below at the Authors Bio section.
I came across your name and contact details on a web it whilst trying to find info’ to help my relationship. I wonder if you might be able to offer me any advice please ?
My girlfriend always wants to take control and the way she speaks to me at times is though I’m trash and she has no respect for me at all. She blows hot and cold so often and I find her volatile and aggressive. I don’t know where it’s gone wrong but it has since we started living together 6 months ago.
She strikes me to be a bit of a control freak. No matter
what I attempt to do she always has to step in and take over. She foists her opinion on me all of the time without any facts. I’m a professional man and she tries to tell me how to do my job even though she has no knowledge or experience of my role. I’m finding the whole thing suffocating and such a turn off !
What might your advice be please ?
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.
Are you afraid to fully open up to your partner sexually, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? Does this create an insurmountable barrier between the two of you? Is this barrier manifesting itself as self sabotaging behaviors that push him/her away ad leaving you feeling frustrated, angry with yourself, stuck, confused and as if you are being controlled by some hidden force that wants to ruin your relationship life? If so then do you want to free yourself of it once and for all?
And so on.
All of these fears are anchored in early experiences of emotional disappointment which are stored within you as negative memories. The memories generate these negative emotional states and they literally, like an invisible hand, sail you and your relationship on the rocks each and every time.
As long as they are there inside you you’ll always find yourself repeating, much to your disappointment, the same negative outcomes. Contrary to what many therapists may tell you that such experiences are meant to be learned from the very opposite is true.
You see in spite of the so-called lesson they “may” hold for you, the actual pain associated with them will remain within you and act like what I have called an “emotional mine” that will be triggered to go off whenever a similar current event triggers it. Such events occur ever day in your current relationship and the feeling of fear is the sign that the mine is about to go off.
So what do you find yourself doing when this happens? Well you either withdraw from the relationship in a conscious manner by making a conscious choice to do so or you find yourself sabotaging your way out.
In either case you are left feeling responsible, to blame, alone, inadequate, incapable of and afraid to have a fully intimate relationship.
The only way to free one’s self from such a scenario is to “deprogram” your subconscious mind of those early painful memories or emotional mines. The only way to do this, in my view, is to extract/erase them for good. This is now possible with a new process I developed over 10 years ago the name of which is mentioned in my bio below.
To learn more about reclaiming a healthy relationship life through the process of erasing negative memories or to request a complimentary coaching session kindly visit the web link below.
Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Life, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)
“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi
“When will I meet him?”
“We meet our soulmates when we’re on our soul path.”
~Karen M. Black
WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?
Why is love so elusive? Where is my SoulMate? Is there somebody out there for me? Why haven’t I found him/her yet?
Is this you?
* You are looking for a deeper, more profound connection than you have ever had, but you aren’t meeting people on the same wavelength.
* You’re at an age where you feel the stirring of your soul asking, “Is that all there is?”
* You have found someone special, yet you cannot bring yourself to commit.
* You keep getting treated poorly by your partners or lovers and yet can’t leave that relationship
The Five Reasons You Are Still Single
Barriers are the fears that keep us from living and loving with our full potential.
Examples of such fears include:
“I am afraid nobody will love me like my ex.”
“I am afraid I will lose my freedom.”
“I am afraid of conflict.”
“I hate being vulnerable.”
“I am entitled.”
“I am needy.”
“I am controlling.”
“I am a people pleaser.”
“I ignore my own magnificence.”
“I don’t have those talents/skills.”
“I am only here to serve, not to receive.”
Our life experiences, memories and past attachments block our SoulMate from coming into our lives. Clearing them magnetizes you and makes your irresistible to your SoulMate.
When you are not living your Purpose, your SoulMate can’t find you. When you are in alignment with your Soul’s Path meeting your SoulMate is INEVITABLE..
Stay tuned for my upcoming articles to learn how to blow these hindrances out of the water!
Dr. Annette Vaillancourt loves to manifest. Specifically, she loves to manifest love. She has manifested success in all areas of life and has the know-how and experience to teach others to do the same. Yet it is her particular passion for helping others find rewarding and satisfying romance that has led her to become the SoulMate Coach in Saint Louis. As she likes to say, “The Love Doctor is IN!.”
Annette helped couples for over twenty years as a marriage counselor before honing in on her expertise as a dating coach, helping couples break down the barriers and build up the foundation that allows them to manifest the love relationships they want — from the start.
She brings her playful energy, creativity, uncanny intuition and professional dedication to helping singles find love through the use of the latest and most effective tools available. It’s no wonder that dozens of men and women have put their trust in Annette to reach past their fears, overcome doubt and reconnect to the fun and joy of manifesting a relationship filled with romance and intimacy.
Her work is inspired by the poet Rumi’s line: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Then Annette knows how to help you remove those barriers and manifest the love you desire and deserve.
And what is true about manifesting love is true about life.
Anyone who knows Annette will say that manifestation comes naturally to her and anything she touches turns to gold. She has lost 70 pounds, cured herself of plantar fasciitis, doubled her income during the recession, and sold her home by herself in a down market. Currently she is writing her first book and manifesting a trip to France for her 60th birthday!
Every day we see love sometimes it’s not always what it appears to be at a first
Glance it makes you wonder” So what is this thing called love?”
Falling in love is one of life’s most exciting events in life. Although it can also be a very scary experience it is something that everyone I know would take the chance of falling in love, versus being alone. Everyone wants to find true love, but what is this thing called love. We all think we know and when it happens, life takes on new meaning. Something inside us changes.
New enthusiasm provides zest for even the dullest of tasks. Something about the chemistry and the effects it has over ones physical composition. In the early stages of love everything is great peachy king. Each glance and caress, every conversation and kiss takes on a very meaningful significance. Everything is so Grand, Suddenly, the question appears: So what is this thing called love and do I really feel this way or do they really feel this way about me or is it all a game.
Many relationships are doomed even before they really start because people get so caught up with the fact of being in love and they jump and run with the notion come that true love conquers all Regardless of what the problem. We love each other so much we can make our relationship work. No dilemma is too strong for this love. Anyone who feeds into this bullshit is not facing reality and definitely not thinking clearly.
No one intentionally sets out to make bad decisions in life when it comes to matters of the heart. We want our relationships be healthy and long lasting. At the time make a choice, we honestly earnestly believe we are making the right decisions the person is right for us, we believe we are making the right move. However more often than not, that choice turns out to be and incorrect one. Love is so exhilarating and fascinating that some people literally allow themselves to be blind in the eyes of love, to anything that might daunt the illusion of you being in a truly loving relationship. Telling the difference between true love and infatuation is oft times complicated, but not impossible. In My book “So what is this thing called love”. I point out what true love is and how you can only achieve
Vincent Brice is a Author of the book called So what is this thing called love. A book about understanding the true meaning of love and relationships. Vincent is also has published over 300 articles online on a vast variety of websites. Vincent is a loving father of two wonderful children Vincent Brice Currently resides in Columbia S.C